Laura's Levels Of Hell

Lesse, haven't been awake enough to say anything since, like, Monday. Guess nothing really happened. Oo Okay, stuff did but I don't remember it.
So last night I got a major kick-in-the-ass wave of insomnia again, which kinda sucked because I was so tired and all I wanted to do was sleep. Plus it was really hot in here, since my mom doesn't wanna hook up our air conditioning yet. So for about ten minutes I had my fan on and I was getting kinda... dizzy-fied or something. Then all of a sudden I felt a shock of cold. I was freezing. I yanked up my blankets and was literally shuddering because of how cold I felt. After a few minutes of that it flashed back to the nice eighty degrees it really was. And it kept on doing this for the next hour and making me feel dizzier, which made me think of the one time I got bored this summer and studied Shadow People and other stuff which made me hallucinate that I was seeing them in my room, which made me hallucinate that I was going to die, which made me shudder harder, which made me finally whip off my blankets and stormout of my room. At this time it was only twelve and I'd gone to bed at ten. So much can happen to your screwed-up head in two hours. So I calmed down by watching TV for about an hour but I still couldn't shake off my chills or my paranoia. I wasn't totally there since I was half-asleep, I don't even remember what was on TV. All I remember is getting so frustrated with myself because I had some fear of SOMETHING I couldn't get rid of and I thought I couldn't be saved from. Maybe I was sleepwalking. A nightmare while I'm awake. I don't know what's wrong. Hence the title of this stupid freaking entry that either no one will read (I can only hope) cause nobody really cares what the hell I say, or people who actually know a FEW things about me will know how psycho I am. But all last night I kept feeling something in my throat that was tempting me to scream on and on.
So later I finally got to sleep, though I can't remember going back in my room. I woke up and was shuddering again because I felt cold. So I quickly got up and dressed, then since it was still really early for me to be up, I curled up on the couch trying to calm down for a few minutes. It was still really dark outside though it was already nearly six o'clock because of all the storms we were gonna have. I hate going to school in a storm.  I'd rather stay home and play in it, then catch some terrible pnuemonia-like disease. Oh, plus there's also the risk of Death by Lightning.  Not too pretty. But whatever. I ended up going to school anyway. Got a ride with my mom, since she said its not good for me to walk around in the rain like this. Since when does she care? If I dropped dead things would be a hell of a lot easier on her.
Anyway, I dropped my stuff off at my first class and walked out down towards Kym's locker where about a dozen other people were gathered, as usual, because people love Kym, myself included, which must be really nice for her. So I got over there and she was sitting on the floor against her locker and she yanked me down there with her when I came over. Then she tells me that tomorrow I have to meet her and a dozen+ other people at Showplace tomorrow at four to see Van Helsing. Like I'm going to protest. Then she said we should carpool, so we're doing that tomorrow. I think Joy and Lauren said Piper can't go... they're supossed to be going. And Dom and Mike and Keith and Liliya and Amy and Anthony and Jesse and prolly a few I forgot. I don't know why I said I'd go. The only person who can really stand me and actually have a semi-good time is Kym anyway, and she's gonna be pretty involved with everybody else. Pretty much always feel like the third (excuse me, thirteenth) wheel with them, because nobody really knows me or cares or anything. Luckily for them I'm easily ignorable when I don't feel like making an effort to be noticed. Which will pretty much be how I'm acting tomorrow. As we're walking out, it's gonna be "Hm it's been two hours and Ashley hasn't said a word, that;s not normal, oh well, not my problem, she'll be fine cause we don't FUCKING care." *coughs* Ahem.

That is a good song in Ashley-ness's opinion. Kill Bill, yay!
Anyway, I realized just how damn funny I am when I'm not trying since I say really weird things. Yesterday in the van while we were going to the river to kayak, I go all of a sudden "Guys, I'm not cold! I'm wearin' pants!" And everybody kept laughing at the complete Ashley-ness of that statement. And Czuk goes, "Yep, Ashley's one of a kind!" And made a face at me. Oo
Later though, when we stopped at the riverbank for lunch, out of nowhere Kym goes, "Hey Ashley, I like the way ya do that Right Thur!" I almost choked on oxygen 'cause it was FUNNY and I dunno why. Oo Then the rest of the day we were all "Hey Kym/Ashley, I like the way ya do that Right Thur!" and the other would do backup and go "Right Thur!" XD We're insane. And we sang other weird songs, and Czuk drenched me in the icky water, icky, and it was raining, yay, and I got cold, not yay.
Oh yeah, and my stupid life vest didn't fit right. I had to have Amie and Kym help me zip it. I'm like "My stupid boobs are in the way! T.T" And Kym started laughing so I said "You're just mad 'cause you're a man and you don't have any. Plus when I gorw up I'm gonna give you my cancerous breast cancer, if I get it." She kept laughing STILL, then says "Cancerous breast cancer!" So that was funny too. ^^ We're weird... and we kept fighting back and forth saying "You're stupid/ugly" and Kym would end it by screaming "I'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" and we'd laugh til we were about to tip over and drown. Mrs. Pohlmann was kinda like "Woah I think they're crazy but its funny haha." And we kept making fun of that dude on my YYH DVD (THe Seaman dude who's name I dun feel like remembering) who cries like a girl.
Seaman: "I feel dirtier and dirtier!"
Kym/Ashley: "I'LL make you feel dirtier!"
Ashley" Ya damn pansy!"
We reinacted that a bout a million times. Oo
Then today I had this old sweatshirt I decided to cut up. Then I get this idea. So I do it and later I run out of my room yelling "I made a GARTER out of my old sweatshirt and SAFTEY PINS!"
Okay, got stuff to do like not failing English, so bai bai-like.

Yeah, later, it's like nine-thirty.
I'm bored.
I just watched the new (sorta) YYH DVD Dark Indulgence, then called Kym. I kinda tried to summarize it but it didn't work so then I just played the part where Seaman-dude (forgot his real name) cries and we kept laughing and I go "He sounds like a fricking pansy!" Pansy is Kym's favorite word. Hence the reason I said it. Then Kym goes "I don't even sound like that much of a girl when I cry!"
Things are just funnier with Kym. Especially when he says "I just feel dirtier and dirtier" and at the same time Kym and I both said something along the lines of "Oh yeah, I'll make you feel dirtier" only I added "You damn pansy." Hehe. But sadly Kym is no fun to talk to about some things because she doesn't understand the concept of bishounen yet.

Heh, in a bit of a better mood, still a little woo-like, but I'll get over myself and rejoin the rest of the world soon.
Sukiru can post in here! XD And keep me in line! Maybe!
Okay, I'm in a good mood cause I just got off the phone with Kym and we were swearing at each other and insulting each other and acting really Kym-and-Ashley-like so it's all good. Though my ass is still frozen from sitting on those chairs in Choir. Oo; I had a really bad mood swing in Choir today.
Adam: *pokes* She's like an opera singer, and she never shuts up. She might be good or whatever but she's got a voice to kill!
Me: - - Fuck off, Adam, I'm not in the mood to deal with you.
Adam: Damn, somebodys got issues...

It was funny, after I got over my bad mood by standing in a corner with Amy and Burly. XD I stayed with Amy while she had detention in Nissley's room today. It was kinda weird. But I never had detention before so it was fun! *gets a kick outta weird things*

I disabled tagboard. No use having it if I can't fucking use it.
Kinda glad I killed it anyway. I don't know what's wrong with me. No matter what, I always pretend like I'm so damn in love with the whole damn world every damn day when I'm not. Nobody sees me cry, break down, angry, since I'm so good at hiding things from everyone. Nobody knows who I am and it kills me. I don't even know myself. No matter what I want to feel it's too numb to make an impact on me. Everything is numb. Stupid things I've done in the past are barely in my memory. Good things too. I feel like I'm barely here, like I'm not real. Or I'm dreaming. Or having a nightmare. I'd rather live in dreams than in reality, because in dreams you can't get hurt.
Of course, I don't even remember what pain is either. So I guess I'm screwed either way.
My happiness is so false... and when the act is over I feel empty again because I just want it to keep going, on and on forever until it's real.
Damn, I'm such a depressing person underneath it all.

...
I think I'm in a bad mood, but its hard to tell. Nothing interesting happened today, which is bad for me, and I was bored out of my mind. Museums are pointless. Everything is pointless. I'M pointless. But we all knew THAT already... *sighs*
I forgot to sign Kym's stomach today. Oh well, I'll do it tomorrow in Sharpie marker, ha.
I'm listening to "I Hate Everything About You." Good song, good song. I'm glad I wore this jean skirt today or I'd have died of heatstroke. Yay. What is my problem today? I have weird ups and downs. - - And they fluxuate about nine times a day. I think that is what we would call "Something Wrong With Ashley".
I haven't talked to Sukiru for a while, mostly since I'm not on at night anymore when she's on. Or Sy. I can only talk to them online so now I feel deprived. Umm... I talked to Kym for about five seconds today, watched Piper drink her Jell-o (yes, drink Oo lol) and Lauren touch people with her gloves. I was with Joy almost all day, and Dom and Mike (who hates Joy) and Keith (who hates me) so it was a strange day full of randomness and stuff about guys I didn't want to know thanks to Dom and Mike. Oo It was funny, but also not.
And now I have nothing else to say that wouldn't end in a lot of.... bad things... so ja.

Anyway-like, if you wanna be able to post in here and stuff just email me at Ashlieangel1@aol.com and I'll invite you to be a posty-person and suchless. ^^ Fun-like. I sent some invite-er-things to a few peoples already but only, like, five.