It was a damn good song.
Anyway. I was just thinking back on past boyfriends.
They were all kind of psychotic. Oo Wonder why. Like Josh. I dun remember if I told Kym much about Josh. I know I told Burly, but only to vent about my scary eighteen year old boyfriend. o_o
...I dumped him... yes. I do that alot though, I usually get people out of my life before they can do that to me.
Well, at least with my boyfriends. I hate that. -x.x-
Especially when they start to pressure me. not to DO anything, not like that. <.< I mean, I dunno, like Josh was always talking about planning out our lives and blah blah blah, he didn't care what happened to him as long as he could wait for me, and he couldn't live without me.
I got scared.
I ran.
This cliche plays out a lot... Josh was kinda scary (read the old letters. The one thing I didn't shred or burn.) sometimes, so that was a factor, but I play the same part every time. Its more like I get into these things for the companionship, and the feeling that somebod cares, but I get too scared if I let a guy get close to me.
Keep it distant, keep it vauge.
I even remember my boyfriend from the fourth grade. - - He asked me to come over to his house to play, so I wouldn't speak to him anymore. I know, pointless and it doesn't mean anything, but the pattern is still here.
I don't know what I'm afraid of. I think I'm afraid of myself and what I'd do if I let myself be hurt. I've never been dumped since I always break up with them before I let that happen. And if I am hurt I numb it and don't let it show. I pretend like I don't care, and my performance is so well done I confuse myself. But if I was really hurt by someone I trusted, I don't know...
Anyway, I'm not going to talk about that anymore.
Um... I went to Cruise Night a few days ago. I got hit on a few times by drunk guys. The first one I let slide, only because I was fawning over his car. It was purple. (^^; ) I wanted that cute little car. SO the owner dude (who was young but drunk, and I'm no longer single XD singularity didn't last long for me this time) wouldn't stop talking to me. Later I left, I got an iced tea, and coming out some other guy hit on me, asking if I wanted to go for a ride with him and his friends.
I gave him the 'My Glare of Dooooom, then said, "I know your vision's a bit screwed over right now, but this is iced tea, not beer, and you'll have to try harder than that." *swishes jean skirt and stalks off*
Yeah... the end of that part.
My bedtime is officially at nine in the morning now. I sleep til about four when Kym calls me. It's a nice wake-up call. ^^ Then I get up, call my mom, take a shower, get all Ashley-ed up and head out if my mom's out getting drunk somewhere. Since I have time to kill, might as well murder it.
Come home around nine if I went out, if not I'm already there and I've been watching TV, drawing, writing, or listening to music..../singing along a lot louder than I realize.... XD Then I hang upside down from the couch for an hour til Burly calls me on my cell phone so I don't pass out and we talk for a while, from eleven to twelve I growl at my mom (if she's home) (and not passed out from drinking) to get off the phone with her boyfriend so I can get online at midnight. That usually doesn't work so I have to wait til three am to get on. I talk to Sel, and Jesse (only he's GONE! Til the end of the weekend ^^; ), and Senturo, and whoever else is on that I feel like talking to, roleplay, fix my EZBoard since it has issues (well, it's a nice board for only being two weeks old, I guess), then whenever my five hours for the day is up (seven or eight am) I start ushering my hungover mother to work and watch QVC while drawing cause I'm bored, then at nine I go to sleep.
Once in a while I work an actual meal in instead of coffee, tea, or Kool-Aid. Either when my mom is actually home around dinnertime, forcing me to actually cook, or before I go to sleep in the morning.
Today I took a shower with my old music really loud, and I was belting it out in there. XD I was so bored I dried my hair, straightened it, did my makeup, put on my other jean skirt and my old Urban Rootz t-shirt, my black sandals, and I found my blue J-Lo hat and I wore that too. And I was still belting it out to my karaoke machine, which is my new stereo since I have yet to set up my old one. Oo
Only then I got depressed since there was nowhere to go, at least, nowhere I could walk to and felt like going by myself. I was going to go downtown, but nothing was going on tonight and I had no cash to -make- something go on. So I hung upside down from the couch and complained to Burly when she called (very early for her too) and we watched part of Carrie. Only she got freaked and turned it off, so it was mostly just me. I stopped watching when it hit midnight and got online. We were talking about Jeremi and Eric, and some other stuff too... that consisted of... something related to Jeremi and/or Eric... I think. O_o Then we pointed out our character flaws... like mine is being way too comfortable in a guy's dressing room.
Corey forced me. It's not my fault Folmer had to be an idiot about it in a weird way.
"What'cha doing in here?"
"Corey said I have to help you all change." *sweatdrop if they was real Oo*
"oh. Can we have sex with you?"
"No."
"Damn."
Then he shut and locked the door, and I just sat down crossing my legs, looking amused.
I had bodyguards with me so I was safe.
Well, okay, Tony kinda molested me a little bit but we all expected that. x.x And Corey saved meh, kinda.
Wow, that was a long time ago...
I miss those days. Oo
Not the molesting part.
Uh, I'm not doing Dreamers Workshop. The lady called me five times so far wanting to know why I haven't applied yet. Whatever... my mom won't pay for it, and she wouldn't like it even if I got the scholarship... plus I doubt I'm good enough. :/ Especially since I know a few people going anyway. I'd feel out of place.
Well, anywho, I'm going to have some more stupid things happen before I get some sleep.
Bai-bai
Anyway. I was just thinking back on past boyfriends.
They were all kind of psychotic. Oo Wonder why. Like Josh. I dun remember if I told Kym much about Josh. I know I told Burly, but only to vent about my scary eighteen year old boyfriend. o_o
...I dumped him... yes. I do that alot though, I usually get people out of my life before they can do that to me.
Well, at least with my boyfriends. I hate that. -x.x-
Especially when they start to pressure me. not to DO anything, not like that. <.< I mean, I dunno, like Josh was always talking about planning out our lives and blah blah blah, he didn't care what happened to him as long as he could wait for me, and he couldn't live without me.
I got scared.
I ran.
This cliche plays out a lot... Josh was kinda scary (read the old letters. The one thing I didn't shred or burn.) sometimes, so that was a factor, but I play the same part every time. Its more like I get into these things for the companionship, and the feeling that somebod cares, but I get too scared if I let a guy get close to me.
Keep it distant, keep it vauge.
I even remember my boyfriend from the fourth grade. - - He asked me to come over to his house to play, so I wouldn't speak to him anymore. I know, pointless and it doesn't mean anything, but the pattern is still here.
I don't know what I'm afraid of. I think I'm afraid of myself and what I'd do if I let myself be hurt. I've never been dumped since I always break up with them before I let that happen. And if I am hurt I numb it and don't let it show. I pretend like I don't care, and my performance is so well done I confuse myself. But if I was really hurt by someone I trusted, I don't know...
Anyway, I'm not going to talk about that anymore.
Um... I went to Cruise Night a few days ago. I got hit on a few times by drunk guys. The first one I let slide, only because I was fawning over his car. It was purple. (^^; ) I wanted that cute little car. SO the owner dude (who was young but drunk, and I'm no longer single XD singularity didn't last long for me this time) wouldn't stop talking to me. Later I left, I got an iced tea, and coming out some other guy hit on me, asking if I wanted to go for a ride with him and his friends.
I gave him the 'My Glare of Dooooom, then said, "I know your vision's a bit screwed over right now, but this is iced tea, not beer, and you'll have to try harder than that." *swishes jean skirt and stalks off*
Yeah... the end of that part.
My bedtime is officially at nine in the morning now. I sleep til about four when Kym calls me. It's a nice wake-up call. ^^ Then I get up, call my mom, take a shower, get all Ashley-ed up and head out if my mom's out getting drunk somewhere. Since I have time to kill, might as well murder it.
Come home around nine if I went out, if not I'm already there and I've been watching TV, drawing, writing, or listening to music..../singing along a lot louder than I realize.... XD Then I hang upside down from the couch for an hour til Burly calls me on my cell phone so I don't pass out and we talk for a while, from eleven to twelve I growl at my mom (if she's home) (and not passed out from drinking) to get off the phone with her boyfriend so I can get online at midnight. That usually doesn't work so I have to wait til three am to get on. I talk to Sel, and Jesse (only he's GONE! Til the end of the weekend ^^; ), and Senturo, and whoever else is on that I feel like talking to, roleplay, fix my EZBoard since it has issues (well, it's a nice board for only being two weeks old, I guess), then whenever my five hours for the day is up (seven or eight am) I start ushering my hungover mother to work and watch QVC while drawing cause I'm bored, then at nine I go to sleep.
Once in a while I work an actual meal in instead of coffee, tea, or Kool-Aid. Either when my mom is actually home around dinnertime, forcing me to actually cook, or before I go to sleep in the morning.
Today I took a shower with my old music really loud, and I was belting it out in there. XD I was so bored I dried my hair, straightened it, did my makeup, put on my other jean skirt and my old Urban Rootz t-shirt, my black sandals, and I found my blue J-Lo hat and I wore that too. And I was still belting it out to my karaoke machine, which is my new stereo since I have yet to set up my old one. Oo
Only then I got depressed since there was nowhere to go, at least, nowhere I could walk to and felt like going by myself. I was going to go downtown, but nothing was going on tonight and I had no cash to -make- something go on. So I hung upside down from the couch and complained to Burly when she called (very early for her too) and we watched part of Carrie. Only she got freaked and turned it off, so it was mostly just me. I stopped watching when it hit midnight and got online. We were talking about Jeremi and Eric, and some other stuff too... that consisted of... something related to Jeremi and/or Eric... I think. O_o Then we pointed out our character flaws... like mine is being way too comfortable in a guy's dressing room.
Corey forced me. It's not my fault Folmer had to be an idiot about it in a weird way.
"What'cha doing in here?"
"Corey said I have to help you all change." *sweatdrop if they was real Oo*
"oh. Can we have sex with you?"
"No."
"Damn."
Then he shut and locked the door, and I just sat down crossing my legs, looking amused.
I had bodyguards with me so I was safe.
Well, okay, Tony kinda molested me a little bit but we all expected that. x.x And Corey saved meh, kinda.
Wow, that was a long time ago...
I miss those days. Oo
Not the molesting part.
Uh, I'm not doing Dreamers Workshop. The lady called me five times so far wanting to know why I haven't applied yet. Whatever... my mom won't pay for it, and she wouldn't like it even if I got the scholarship... plus I doubt I'm good enough. :/ Especially since I know a few people going anyway. I'd feel out of place.
Well, anywho, I'm going to have some more stupid things happen before I get some sleep.
Bai-bai